ashe dryden

Please don't pretend to understand you...

Coworker: I unplugged the phones for the people who don't work here anymore.
Me: ...Why?
Coworker: So they don't get voicemails.
Me: It's a digital phone system, though. The voicemails aren't stored on the phones.
Coworker: [blink blink]
Me: They are still getting voicemails, you just can't see that they are, because now there is no red light to tell you so.
Coworker: No, they can't get voicemails now.
Me: That is like unplugging your computer so you won't get emails. As long as there is a server somewhere collecting the files, they will still accrue if there are people sending them.
Coworker: I don't think you're right.
Me: That's fine. Logic and understanding are on my side.

May 1st

To cinnamon, or not to cinnamon? That is...

ModSuitGuy: Want a mint? Or a cinnamon thing? Oh yeah, you don't like cinnamon.
Me: You know, cinnamon is kind of a useless spice, isn't it?
ModSuitGuy: What do you mean?
Me: Well, aside from on toast, what is it good for? And don't say Cinnamon Toast Crunch because to me that is considered cinnamon toast.
ModSuitGuy: Hmm. Apple Pie?
Me: I don't like apple pie, so as far as I'm concerned, that is not a legitimate use for cinnamon.
ModSuitGuy: I don't know what else people put cinnamon in. Hot Apple Cider!
Me: That's a lot of apple related things. That one works though, I guess.
ModSuitGuy: Cinnamon sticks!
Me: Dude, those don't count. That is where cinnamon *comes* from. And what do you even use cinnamon sticks for? Aside from making powdered cinnamon?
ModSuitGuy: You could put it in hot tea.
Me: No, no, no. The only people who put cinnamon sticks in their tea are old blue-haired ladies with small poofy dogs who offer you stale candied fruits.

Apr 22nd

The term "hipster" dates back to the...

indierawk: -Anatomy of a Hipster #107.

Apr 22nd

Listen

robot-heart: lfar: Rilo Kiley- Go Ahead If you want to have your cake and it too And if you...

Apr 22nd

What is the difference between eating...

Me: You know, I am really surprised at how many different mammals eat their young. Why is it okay that a male bear eats it's babies but we don't? Maybe I should start a "Cannibalism: It's okay!" campaign.
ModSuitGuy: You're a vegetarian, though.
Me: I know. Just because I don't eat bacon doesnt mean you can't have any, though. I mean, how many mothers are like "You know what, I've been gestating this baby for 9 months now and the pork rinds aren't doing it anymore. I really got the taste for baby. MM-mmm-MM!"
ModSuitGuy: Apparently fewer than bears, since they eat their young more than we do.
Me: So you /think/.
ModSuitGuy: That is a long time to wait for a meal, though, 9 months.
Me: I am sure that we could just pump women full of hormones and stuff like chickens so they pop em out like crazy.
ModSuitGuy: Are we going to keep them in small quarters, too?
Me: ...I just realised that we are talking about farming people to eat them. I think we have gone into dangerous territory.
ModSuitGuy: Duly noted.

Apr 22nd

Matt: like my new wallpaper? (he points to his monitor, some scribbly graffiti) I don't know what it says.
Me: (laughing) But what if it says something terrible?
Matt: (seeming quite pleased with himself) I think it does.

Apr 22nd

I haz a disease :(

Me: I don't feel good
Matt: I know
Me: I feel like maybe if I keep saying that I'll get better.
Matt: I don't think so
Me: maybe someone will invent a cure for my disease. And then the world will be happy. maybe they'll even make a new ribbon for me. It'll be plaid!
Matt: I bet they already have one. It's for like Scottish people... Who are balding.

Apr 19th

Today is national high five day!

Me: Did you know that today is National Librarian Day? (His wife is a librarian)
ModSuitGuy: No, I knew it was library week, though.
Me: It is also National High Five Day.
ModSuitGuy: Really?
*we both slide across the office in our chairs and high five*
Me: How funny that they fall on the same day. I am picturing old bookish librarians high fiving each other noiselessly as they restock shelves.

Apr 17th

Questionable in some states

Coworker (on the phone with his wife): She was rolling around in the /dirt/?
*a few minutes later*
Me to coworker: Rolling around in the dirt?
Coworker: Yeah, my dog.
Me to coworker: Oooh, I thought you were talking about your daughter. At least you can leave the dog outside.
ModSuitGuy: Well, technically you could leave the kid outside.
Me: True, but I wouldn't suggest chaining your 2 year old up.
ModSuitGuy: Depends on what state you live in.

Apr 17th

Happiest and Unhappiest States

Apr 16th

My friends are the bees knees. ^__^ teecycle: Georgia:...

Apr 10th

Recycling is for lovers.

Boss: Its just like you nature loving, tree hugging, freak shows.
Me: Can I help you?
Boss: I'm going to wash your jar now [he uses a glass jar I put snacks in as a drinking cup when he is here]
Me: Really? Thanks.
Boss: I wish I had a jar at home like this to drink out of.
Me: Okay. It's just a recycled jar.
Boss: But I *love* this jar.
Me: ohhhkay

Apr 9th

Listen

copycats: My Body is A Cage by Sarah Lov originally by Arcade Fire (posted by mi alegria)

Apr 7th

The New America [click for t-shirts and other gear...

Apr 7th

DC Coucil votes to recognize other...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/07/AR2009040702200.html?hpid=topnews

Apr 7th

“I learned something while on the road. State Shapes: The...”
— Demetri Martin (via...

Apr 6th

eatsleepdraw: i love you. i love you, too.

Apr 6th

almostmoon: (via sabino)

Apr 6th

“The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the...”
— Ernest Hemingway (via...

Apr 6th

“You’re my world,” he said to her as she cried on his...”
— (via victoryblues) (via...

Apr 6th

BREAKING: Same-Sex Marriage Now Legal In...

iveneverheardofyou: thedailywhat: I did not see this coming. From the Des Moines Register: ...

Apr 3rd

I haven’t really slept in 4 days, which is amazingly fun for me because after a while of no...

Apr 2nd

I don't even know any of the other...

Boonis: what up
Ashe: woooorkin
Boonis: in a coal mine?
Boonis: goin' down down down?
Ashe: on the rail road, actually
Boonis: oh ok
Ashe: it seems like ive been doin' it all the live-long day

Apr 1st