ashe dryden

Friends who pee together, stay together

(On the phone)
Me: You realise that this year we will have known each other for 10 years?
Steve: 10 years is a long time.
Me: Yuuup.
Steve: Well that's good, because I have to pee and as friends of 10 years I think we have graduated to the level where we should be able to pee together.
Me: Um, Kay.
Steve: [continues to talk to me on the phone while he is quite obviously peeing]

Is it not obvious, Google? Ferserious.

me: did you see that google added "report gmail bug" at the top next to sign out?
Matt: I don't see that
hmm
they tend to roll out changes to different datacenters
so depending on where my gmail loaded from.
me: ::nod:: link: http://mail.google.com/support/bin/request.py?contact_type=inproduct&hl=en
Matt: aha
why can't I just have a 'gmailfail' reporting button?
it's the same problem every time
GMAIL FAILED

The epic story of a web designer who has...

me: yeah
i know your pain
still cant do anything
im broken
Jordan: well, savor the choice that you have to wait
forcing it can be rough, but i guess once you've pushed through it's a lot easier
me: yeah
we'll see
i dunno
Jordan: i guess you'll know
when you actually wanna do something
me: yeah
i just hate this waiting game
hoping it comes back
Jordan: the waiting game?
me: waiting for my super powers to come back
Jordan: ohhh yes
i think they are still there
underneath somewhere
or maybe there's been an eclipse like in heroes
and you must band together with your fellow web devs
me: hehe
hopefully
Jordan: and your teamwork and friendship to overcome
me: or kill people and take their powers ::raises brows::

MTV: fucking up the minds of Americans...

Coworker to another coworker: See ya later, Lady Friend.
Me: Maybe you shouldn't call her your lady friend.
Coworker: Why? Is she a man? Is she transgender?
Me: No, it insinuates that you have a sexual relationship with her, which perhaps you don't want your coworkers who don't know you as well as I do to think something that isn't true? Also, what would her being transgender have anything to do with anything?
Coworker: It'd be weird. I mean. I'm not homophobic, but...
Me: But your transgenderaphobc?
Coworker: No, I'm not homophobic. I'm cool if you want to think you are a gay or whatever, but if you are transgender then I think there is just something wrong with you mentally.
Me: You know there is actual scientific reasoning behind being transgender right? Gender dysphoria? Your brain chemistry is different from what your physical form is
Coworker: There is scientific reasoning behind everything now. So what would they have been 50 years ago? Just freaks.
Me: You are using the fact that our scientific knowledge has progressed as a case /against/ gender dysphoria being a real thing? That is like the fact that we used to think that people with dyslexia were just *slow* versus there actually being a reason why their brains misinterpret letters and symbols. Or the fact that we used to have an ungodly number of people in "mental hospitals" because they didn't fit the "norm".
Coworker: Whatever, it's weird.
Me: Good come back.
Coworker: I don't know any transgender people, so I just think it's weird. The only transgender person I know of is on Real World and they're a freak.
Me: Maybe your problem is that you create stereotypes from the people you see on MTV.
Coworker: This is true. Maybe MTV isn't a good place to judge things from.
Me: Ya think?

I sing silly songs when I'm bored. I'm...

To the tune of “Bandages” by Hot Hot Heat Allergies, allergies in my nose today ...

Actually, the sun is a mass of...

Coworker #1: Your hair is red, though
Coworker #2: My hair isn't red. It's like blondish brown
Coworker #1: It looks red
Coworker #2: That's just the sun. The sun is a big red ball of fire. Did you ever think about that? Jeez. Think about it.

Listen

Of bunnies and bike crashes

tired_ashe:
also, i almost ran over a bunny
tired_ash:
and the sad thing is
tired_ashe:
i didnt think "oh shit, poor bunny" or "oh shit, my face is about to hit the pavement"
tired_ashe:
i thought "well, if it happens, i have my iphone so i can take pictures and at least people will believe me"
tmtx_:
hahaha
tmtx_:
that's pretty sad
tired_ashe:
because i dont think i would believe someone if they ran over a bunny on a bike
tmtx_:
yay iphone!
tired_ashe:
and apparently subconcious me is very worried about people believing her bike crash stories
tmtx_:
that's very strange, agreed
tmtx_:
if I crash,will people believe me...?
tired_ashe:
yeah
tired_ashe:
i was very worried about my street cred, apparently

Listen

“Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world...”
— Alphonse de Lamartine (via...

gotwisdom: (via ihaveamessydesk)

(via icanread)

I have broken the internet. Yes!

teh_ashe:
do you know what you guys are missing?
teh_ashe:
do you ?
teh_ashe:
srsly
Chiiru:
no
teh_ashe:
sean connery singing beatles songs
teh_ashe:
http: //copycats.tumblr.com/post/72845723/in-my-life-by-sean-connery-originally-by-the
Chiiru:
oh jesus
teh_ashe:
let me help you out wiht that ^
teh_ashe:
you can thank me later
Chiiru:
not sure if this is the night I want to lose my mind

Listen

Listen

Listen

They're never gonna drop that, are they?

Cucumber: cheque is our word for it. them over there use 'check'
Ashe: "thems"? i use cheque and im one of thems :}
Cucumber: the internet really is miraculous; just as you're giving us all your crap, we're giving you all our crap
Cucumber: the number of Americans I know who adopt British spellings
Ashe: its a fair trade. what crap are we giving you?
things like american idol and the like? We're sorry about that.i am at least, its a real tragedy because even if youre a winner, youre still a giant loser
gia-wurk: :( someone took american idol over there?
Cucumber: I meant words. also, we gave you american idol. it was called 'pop idol' here and you decided it was a good idea, poor you
Cucumber: "Part of the Idol franchise, it is a spinoff from the reality program Pop Idol, which was created by British entertainment executive Simon Fuller and first aired in 2001 in the United Kingdom."
Nimbex: poop idle
Ashe: so we have you to blame for that drivel? see, i was all ready to take the blame and now im like "WTF ASSHAT"
Cucumber: "The Idol franchise is the third most popular international franchise, behind only the The Weakest Link (number two) and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (number one) franchises, both of which also originated in the United Kingdom."
Cucumber: omg we give you all of our shit so sorry
gia-wurk: well we can't really blame one area or another. Just the drooling neanderthals who come up with it.
Cucumber: aye, but they trial it here first and evidently we watch it in large enough numbers that they decide it's a good idea
Ashe: *but* you gave us awesome things, too. i dont think we can say the same for us?
Ashe: we gave you cigarettes = cancer
Ashe: i mean, john cleese, the beatles, doctor who. yum cheese
Cucumber: your freedom

pissandmildew: For Matt and Ashe

pissandmildew: (via funeralface)

robotparade: (via imperiousrex)

What problem cannot be solved with the...

me: im about to shoot lasers out of my eyes at people
me: because the girls in our other branch
are HORRIBLE
theyre all passive agressive and rude
LASERS
me: and ill be all "EAT MY INFRARED JUSTICE"

littletinyfish: pissandmildew: This was put up on the...

Sometimes I say things without realising...

Me: Are you ready to watch Heroes yet?
Boone: What do you mean am I ready? I've been waiting on you.
Me: You're not waiting on me! I've been ready five thousand.
Boone: Ready five thousand? What does that even mean? I don't understand.
Me: FIVE THOUSAND.

The Honeymoon is over

Me: I hope you aren't playing around on youtube over there. The network is creeping.
Coworker #1: I'm looking at softcore porn.
Me: You're a gross boy. A gross boy with cooties.
Coworker #1: You know what they say about people who say things like that?
Me: That I'm a gross boy with cooties?
Coworker #1: That you have feelings for me.
Me: Right. This is me pushing you in the metaphorical sand. Pardon me as I get down on one knee and profess my undying love for you.
Me: In other news - I'm serious, I can't do anything the network is so slow.
Coworker #1: I guess the honey moon is over.
---
Coworker #2: Who's car is that?
Coworker #1: Mine.
Me: But it'll be mine after the divorce.
Coworker #1: Since we broke up things aren't the same between us. You act so different.

I am glad that people play into my dark...

me: craaaaaaaamps
i might die
you should probably plan for that
Boonis: I'll get working on a hole in the back yard
me: make sure its deep, dont want the dogs to dig me up.

Listen