ashe dryden

The Honeymoon is over

Me: I hope you aren't playing around on youtube over there. The network is creeping.
Coworker #1: I'm looking at softcore porn.
Me: You're a gross boy. A gross boy with cooties.
Coworker #1: You know what they say about people who say things like that?
Me: That I'm a gross boy with cooties?
Coworker #1: That you have feelings for me.
Me: Right. This is me pushing you in the metaphorical sand. Pardon me as I get down on one knee and profess my undying love for you.
Me: In other news - I'm serious, I can't do anything the network is so slow.
Coworker #1: I guess the honey moon is over.
---
Coworker #2: Who's car is that?
Coworker #1: Mine.
Me: But it'll be mine after the divorce.
Coworker #1: Since we broke up things aren't the same between us. You act so different.

Mar 3rd

I am glad that people play into my dark...

me: craaaaaaaamps
i might die
you should probably plan for that
Boonis: I'll get working on a hole in the back yard
me: make sure its deep, dont want the dogs to dig me up.

Mar 2nd

Listen

This is one of my favorite songs of his, too. ^_^ closertotheocean: sufjan steves - casimir...

Mar 2nd

What not to do in class.

Matt: [twirling a pen] this is what I used to do in german class. Practice twirling pens.
Me: you're supposed to learn German in German class
Matt: not with my /hands/

Mar 1st

Listen

Feb 28th

Explaining the meaning of "literally"

Heather: that button doesn't work on the radio. It's literally crap.
Me: no, it's not /literally/ crap. That would mean that this is /actual/ crap. Like, right now, this is poop ::points::
-----------
Heather: I put the cat in the tub and gave him his ball. It was funny, he was having a ball.
Me: /literally/ having a ball. Note the difference?

Feb 28th

Art?

Kid: that just looks like scribbles
Mom: they're *inspired* scribbles
Kid: it doesn't look like art. That's probably why you like it.

Feb 27th

I loveded you piggy. I loveded you.

Jason: Ashe!
me: jas!
Jason: I keep thinking in your new avatar that you have a pig nose.
me: :O
wow
thanks, jason
i hope this isnt your way of telling me youre madly in love with me.
because that just sucked ^
Jason: It's got a weird contrast to it. When it's tiny it looks weird.
That's not why I came to talk to you, though, Oinky.
Curly Tail.
me: yeah, its from photobooth, i took it in the dark and when it takes pictures it flashes the screen
youre just jealous of my adorable pink cuteness, jason
Jason: And your ability to find tubors.

Feb 26th

pleasedontsqueezetheshaman: herheadhurts: (via bigfun) ...

Feb 26th

pleasedontsqueezetheshaman: Medical students occasionally...

Feb 26th

unicornology: Lovely Package® . The leading source for...

Feb 26th

“My father says that almost the whole world is asleep....”
— joe vs. the volcano (via...

Feb 26th

We wish you a merry internetmas!

me: some people shouldnt be allowed to photoshop things
http: //io-soup-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/asset/0250/4235_ed6b.jpeg
Beckles: hahahaha
It looks like something I might do (photoshop, not the bumfucking in a bee suit) only better
as I only have MS Paint ^_^
me: lol
: :shakes her head::
dont make me revoke your privileges, miss
Beckles: hahahaha
Privileges? is there something I should be aware of?
me: this is the internet, madam.
its srsbznss
Beckles: hahaha
me: thats it
tim berners lee isnt going to bring you anything but spam for internetmas
Beckles: ;-;
Q_Q
me: youre supposed to say
"tim berners lee isnt real!"
you fail at this metaphor

Feb 25th

I'm an old [Thug4LIFE] soul.

Ron: Look at all these kids with their phones. [motions to three of the other guys playing with their cell phones] I used to carry around a baseball and a glove. [He motions to me] You probably used to carry around a doll. This is their version of that.
Scott: Ron, *how* old do you think Ashe is? You act like she is your age. [Ron is the oldest one of us all, I am the youngest by at least 10 years].
Ashe: I'm an old soul, Scott. He probably thinks I used to play with a stick and hoop, too.
Ron: Yeah, but you're from the midwest.
Ashe: Actually, I'm from the east coast.
Ron: Oh.
Tim: Yeah, don't you see her when she comes in? She's all "East SIIII-EEE-DE" and Scott is all "West COAST!".
Ashe: Yeah, and then we have a gang war and rap about it.

Feb 25th

Some things are gender specific for a...

Matt: I made gunpowder green tea with a kick of cayenne in it
imagining names for it, Tex-Mex Gunslinger Green Tea being the current favorite
me: cute
i mean...
manly!
so manly
probably makes you grow chest hair
annd
shoot things with guns
annnnd sweat
yeah.
**Ashe would not make a good man, apparently.

Feb 24th

I dream very vividly. Sometimes it...

Last night I had two dreams that I remember: 1: I was in the parking lot of the Pick N Save on...

Feb 24th

Bacon powers

Me: [listening to Buzz Out Loud 906, they are talking about that Bacalicious website]
Coworker: Are they talking about bacon?
Me: Yeah, there's a website where you can put in a website address and it'll serve you the page with a big piece of bacon on it.
Coworker: Why?
Me: Dunno. The internet is obsessed with bacon lately.
Coworker: Okay. How'd that get started?
Me: Truthfully, I do not know. The internet is a crazy place. You just have to hope that the people involved in these crazy memes are using their bacon powers for good and not evil.

Feb 23rd

closertotheocean: titlepage: starsnatcher: Hey A!...

Feb 23rd

Boneless, meatless

Matt: We can get 2 lbs of boneless wings
Jordan: YES
Me: Can we get 2 lbs of meatless wings?
Jordan: >.>

Feb 23rd

Listen

Animal Collective vs. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Y Girls. pissandmildew: halfsharkalligator: ...

Feb 21st

Me: what's up with their heads?
Matt: it's aerodynamic: it has no head.

Feb 20th

I do mean things to Jordan. Only cause I...

me: http://18.media.tumblr.com/plANmg58ak2sqj53WJ0EpYBjo1_500.jpg
Jordan: jerk!
look what you've done!
me: ^_^
made you want pancakes?
Jordan: durr
me: pshhhaww

Feb 18th

I need to think of a new career.

me: you know jordan
there is a little voice in my head every now and again in my head and it says "JUDGE!" and its yours.
Jordan: success!!!
i hope it's deep and manly
me: of course
just like yours
Jordan: i've always wanted to be a voice in someone's head!
me: makes sense that it is mine
me: im not going to be able to judge ever again
my career is over
guess i cant be one of those sassy tv judges
Jordan: my voice will fade
and the judge within you will arise
me: and just be left with an image of you, arms crossed, looking disapproving and shaking your head
thats a powerful image, jordan
enough to shake someone to the core.
the CORE.

Feb 15th

I say mean things to spite you.

Every day when I walk in the door, I expect to be greeted by at least 3 of my 4 cats. I call them...

Feb 14th

Light Saber Umbrellas: Battle Sith Lords, Women And Wetness...

Feb 14th

Boba Fett Original Space Rum

Feb 14th

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
— Ernest Hemingway (via...

Feb 14th

pissandmildew: suddenly: (via hollyso)

Feb 14th

Human Anatomy 101

Heather: crud
me: youre crud
cruddy mccrudface
me: so THERE
Heather: :-(
thats not nice
Heather: :'(
me: ::karate chop::
Heather: you hurt my feel bad
me: id like to see an anatomically correct diagram of where that is on the human body, please
Heather: its right inside the heart
me: sounds like cancer
you didnt need that anyway
Heather: the correct name for it is feelium badium

Feb 13th

I am not having an identity crisis

Me: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3463/3277386544_cc4c1a8498_m.jpg
Boss: That isn't you.
Me: Yes it is!
Boss: No it isn't. How do I know that's you?
Me: Because it looks just like me? Because it IS me?
Boss: I never see you with your hair down.
Me: That's because when my techs step out of line I have to be ready to beat them like a ninja. And ninjas cant have hair in their eyes.
Boss: You look like a librarian.
Me: an AWESOME crime fighting librarian, you mean.

Feb 13th

We tend to do this. All the time.

Heather: aww thats a soo nice
me: OMG THATSA SO NICE!

Feb 13th

Uhm, obvi.

Ali: Some random girl on the T this morning was all "I can't resist a man in a sweater-vest!" Who says that???!!?
Me: Me!

Feb 13th

Methods that don't work with babies

Me: what are you reading?
Coworker: the baby whisperer
Me: seems aptly titled; as opposed to the baby screamer?
Me: HEY BABY! STOP YOUR CRYING! I WILL NOT CODDLE YOU! I MEAN IT, BABY!

Feb 13th

“Wil Wheaton doesn’t have to explain himself. He just...”
— Matt

Feb 13th

Aw, man. I spilled my drink all over my...

Boss: Where have you been?
Me: What do you mean?
Boss: I tried calling you and you didn't pick up.
Me: Oh, sorry, I couldn't hear you over the blender. 11:30 is margarita time.
Boss: o.O
Me: The blender. It's loud.
Boss: You're joking?
Me: No, I regularly get smashed at work. Why do you think the network cabling is all over the place? I just say "SCREW IT!" and plug it in wherever the shapes match.
Boss: I never know when to take you seriously.
Me: It's an art that is like wine - it just get better with age.
Boss: So I have to look forward to more of this?
Me: Am I not the reason you come in every morning? *I'M* the reason I come in every morning.
Boss: [walks away]

Feb 12th

Totally normal conversation for us,...

Ashe: happy birthday, i got you some zombies http://aws-asset.soup.io/asset/0239/6618_6869_480.jpeg
...
Ashe: did you get the zombies i sent you?
Ashe: they were sealed for freshness
Matt: yes
Ashe: oh good
Matt: they were tasty
Ashe: i hear they are good with a little soy sauce

Feb 11th

Listen

tinyblip: Cat Power - I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now) [mp3]

Feb 10th

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist,...”
— Oscar Wilde (via wildephotog)

Feb 10th

crazyfor-you: via littlemiss)

Feb 10th

pissandmildew: suddenly: inadvisable: robhuebel: This...

Feb 9th

Things I do when I am bored: remake...

So I am standing in the bathroom at work, washing my hands, and I started singing the following: ...

Feb 9th

“It’s a lie to say you’ve let go of the past. Really, it is....”
— (via funkylove)

Feb 8th

“Life is beautiful, as long as it consumes you. When it is...”
— D. H. Lawrence (via...

Feb 8th

“I mean, I would wax poetic about how much I miss your face,...”
— …you need to be 3,000 miles...

Feb 8th

I am woman, hear me roar

Customer #1: How long have you worked there?
Me: About a year and a half
Customer #1: Wow. You seem to really know what you're talking about for a girl.
-----------------------------
me: [loading heavy product into 40 year old, cigar smoking customer's car]
Customer #2: Wow, you must be the strongest girl I know.
me: I'm buff, thanks. :D

Feb 6th

nath: Science fiction fans out there, meet the nerdbots. ...

Feb 6th

Always ruining my fun :{

me: http://roborobo.tumblr.com/post/76157367/love-is-in-the-air
beeebees!
canihaveoneboonispleasepleaseplease?
Boonis: No you cannot have a Red Panda
me: youre mean
Boonis: I'm mean because I won't let you have a wild animal?
me: i would make it un-wild
it would sleep next to me
Boonis: yeah and eat your face in the night
me: :{
NO
it would love me!
Boonis: Because you would make it love you?
me: no
im so lovable
i would tame its wild, beastial heart
Boonis: uh-huh

Feb 6th

“The power of a glance has been so much abused in love...”
— Victor Hugo (via crazyfor-you)

Feb 6th

I want to knit these. Adorable. via aws-asset.soup.io

Feb 5th

“All is fair in love and robot wars”
— Tim Bisley (Simon Pegg) in...

Feb 5th

nickmcglynn: ROBOT ART & RAY GUNS

Feb 5th

“There were always in me, two women at least, one woman...”
— Anais Nin (via psychotherapy)

Feb 5th

Steph’s tatto. One of the cutest ones I’ve ever...

Feb 5th

Boat - New Audrey

My end of the boat has sprung a leak Your heart is forgiving, rich with buoyancy Your end of the...

Feb 3rd

pissandmildew: paulprosseda: Yay Hooray | Make Something...

Feb 3rd

He calls me "The Judge". It makes me...

Ashe: i miss being passionate about something :/
Jordan: you seem passionate about knitting
Jordan: and poly
Jordan: that's some stuff
Jordan: also judging

Feb 2nd

I am not insulted when you call me a...

Coworker: What are you listening to?
Me: you probably don't know them
Coworker: I might.
Me: Gogol Bordello
Coworker: Who? I have no idea who that is.
Me: I told you you wouldn't know them.
Coworker: Dont you listen to normal music?
Me: Normal music? Like what?
Coworker: Like Taylor Swift?
Me: I have no idea who that is.
Coworker: So you listen to your crazy Middle Eastern music and no regular American music?
Me: ::sigh:: I think I am missing your point.
Coworker: So you don't listen to the radio?
Me: I do.
Coworker: So why don't you know Taylor Swift?
Me: Are we really having this conversation?
Coworker: Are you Canadian?
Me: Yes. Yes. I am Canadian. If that explains everything, then yes, I am Canadian.

Feb 2nd

sneakyjane: “I have to go home” “You are home”

Feb 2nd

sneakyjane: How the heart bends, and summer she sends a sky that refuses to die with weeds of...

Feb 2nd

(via pissandmildew)

Feb 2nd

On friends and passion

verslibre: Your friends aren’t always going to like what you like. You’re going to be passionate...

Feb 2nd

“I couldn’t convince you that the blue you see is the same...”
— I Wrote This For You (via...

Feb 2nd

iindia: (Photographer: Josef Hoflehner)

Feb 2nd

“They always say that time changes things, but you actually...”
— Andy Wahol (via...

Feb 2nd

notemily: frannyandzooey: phathouse: scribkin: yolanda:...

Feb 2nd