ashe dryden

(via notemily)

notemily: msbadkittie: onefootinthegrave: johnbrissenden:...

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited...”
— Jon Stewart (via vinh) (via...

pissandmildew: eatsleepdraw: I like robots who like...

Gaytown Mayor challenger

Ashe: [auto response] I am the mayor of gaytown, ya'll!
Gabe: I've met the Mayor of Gaytown. He's way Gayer than you. He's got Gay coming out of his gay-hole.

I generally have pretty vivid dreams....

I generally have pretty vivid dreams. Weird ones. I tend to not remember them, so the better ones I...

Honey, I shrunk the children's heads!

Coworker: So this one place is only open when they have customers.
Me: I wish *we* were only open when we had customers.
Coworker: Well this is a shrink place. A shrinky dink. They're only open when they have people they can shrink.

Beard in exchange for watch, kthnxbai

Ashe: I mean, Boone and I bring in enough money and we are smart enough about things that we never want for anything. If we see something we want, we save up and get it.
Matt: So no gift of the magi in your house? Boone shaves off his beard to buy you a watch?

Are YOU a Mccainatarian?

Jason: Don't die on the way home.
Jason: We need your vote.
Ashe: wow
Ashe: thats nice, jason
Ashe: not "dont die on the way home, i havent professed my undying love for you"
Ashe: or
Ashe: "dont die on the way home, i want you to be my dog's godmother"
Ashe: or
Ashe: "dont die on the way home, youre kinda awesome"
Ashe: any of those would have worked
Jason: Kinda awesome doesn't get Obama elected.
Ashe: this is true
Ashe: you could have coupled them
Ashe: "youre awesome, and we need your vote"
Jason: Brevity is the name of my game.
Jason: SUCK!
Jason: COOL!
Ashe: so i see
Jason: GROAN!
Ashe: whoa
Ashe: ::averts eyes::
Jason: EXPLODE!
Ashe: do you demand that happen of people?
Ashe: "YOU there! EXPLODE!"
Jason: I don't demand. I make it happen.
Ashe: ah
Ashe: so why not just point at them and have them explode
Ashe: that is as brevacious as it gets
Jason: JUST KIDDING!
Jason: I voted for McCain anyway.
Ashe: now we will see who will make who explode
Ashe: so does that make you a mccainitarian?
Jason: I only eat John McCains?
Ashe: you only eat his bologna
Ashe: and as you know, jason
Ashe: that is pretty much MYSTERY MEAT
Ashe: so ew to you
Ashe: and your soon to be ingestion
Ashe: bwahaha
Jason: Oooh...My face is Palin' and my stomach is in McPain.
Ashe: here comes the mccainherea

Voting + drama + smoke machines = ?

Ashe: you vote yet?
Jordan: going to in a bit
Ashe: im wondering what the lines will be like when i get home
Jordan: crazy
Ashe: DONT SAY THAT JORDAN
Ashe: omgz
Ashe: if its bad when i get there
Ashe: im going to text you an onslaught of horrible things
Ashe: including me crying
Jordan: i'll be waiting
Ashe: itll be horribly terrible
Jordan: awww
Jordan: i'm sorry
Ashe: no you arent!
Ashe: you want me to be stuck in voting line hell!
Ashe: i thought you loved me
Ashe: apparently it was a lie!
Ashe: ::dies::
Jordan: dramatic much?
Ashe: did i over do it?
Ashe: i was going to turn on the smoke machine with that last bit
Ashe: but opted not to
Jordan: haha

Internet serenade

A conversation over SMS with Matty, who would just moved into a new place and is still lacking in the internets department.
Matty: Rewrote the words to the Decemberists' "Own True Love" - "Mr Phone Man, do you haz an internets for me, an internets for me, from that AT&T?"
Me: Haha, you should call AT&T and serenade them with that one.
Matty: I would, but sadly my kettledrums are in the shop and I don't have anyone here who can sing the harmonies.